Rewind and reread

20th April 2019 I remember someone saying to me, all the blogs I read around baby loss seem to start of strong and then they stop writing, and I guess that's me now. I defiantly don't feel the need to write every day like I did all those weeks ago now. So many weeks now..... Continue Reading →

Turning a Corner

Tuesday 16th April 2019 After spending an hour breaking my heart to James on Sunday, I now feel slightly lighter. I think now my fertile week has passed that I am just looking forward to the next cycle. It's probably good to give my body and mind a break, if we had tried this month... Continue Reading →

Fertility Returns

Sunday 14th April I don't want to get out of bed today, kinda felt a bit like this yesterday but I managed, this last few day has been my first "fertile" week since we lost Robyn. It's bitter sweet, nice to know my body is back on tack, but hard to deal with the prospect... Continue Reading →

Shopping Trip

Tuesday April 9 I went into town shopping today, I haven't really seen my friends since Robyn died and I haven't been shopping for clothes since the week before Findley died. However I really need clothes for my holiday so I arranged to me Laurie for a primark trip. I woke up feeling so sick... Continue Reading →

Before, I was happy

Thursday 4th April I was happy before I was pregnant.. I am trying to remind myself if this. I was happy with life before I was pregnant with Findley, I just can't remember what it felt like. I mean don't get me wrong I spent a year moaning at my friend that I would never... Continue Reading →


1st April 2019 I am so deflated after yesterday, I feel absolutely drained. I kept all my shit together as much as I could. I can see James struggling, struggling with the fact he can't take away my pain. We have been here before, but it's ever harder now. We threw everything into surviving the... Continue Reading →

Still Mothers Day

31st March 2019 My first mother's day.. I woke up this morning and ran through everything in my head. I should have a 8.5month old baby, I should be 21 weeks pregnant, however neither of these babies are still alive. I asked god if this could be my last Mother's Day without a baby in... Continue Reading →

It’s not fair

Friday 29th March 2019 It's not fair that Findley died It's not fair I never got to see his eyes It's not fair I never got to hear him cry It's not fair I never got to give him his first feed It's not fair I never got to change his nappy It's not fair... Continue Reading →

Consultant feedback take 2

Wednesday 20th March We are so lucky to have an amazing consultant looking after our care, today we got initial feedback from tests after Robyn died, mostly normal. The cord we knew about but one results wasn't normal, my consultant haD mentioned that she though that I might have sticky blood, and one of the... Continue Reading →

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