16th July 2019

I cant even really remember this time last year. It was a day of pure numbness and disbeleive. Feeling my baby swey in my tummy but knowing he was lifeless. I dont even want to relive it.

Last night I struggled to sleep. I struggled to push that night a year ago away. I saw that midwifes face again when she knew Findley had died, and I felt her touch on my arm. That therapeutic bad bew touch.

James and I has such a good chat and cry last night letting got in the last year. It really feels like life is ob pauses, and every time we try ans unpause it, someone else presses pause.

Dont get me wrong we do try and live, we make plans, we go on holiday, we spend our money. It’s not really living in a sense, its just past surviving. However life is brighter than it was a year ago, its just the longing for our family that keeps it in survival mode.

Someone please let us let us press play on life

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