17th July 2019
Never did I imagine that this is how I would celebrate my first child first birthday. However it really is what it is, I cant change any of it. We can only look forward and try not look back to often.
Findley of course will not ever be forgotten, and in a few hours approx 10pm a year ago he entered this world, still, breathless but gorgeous and breath taking. The love you feel for you child weather they are born screaming or not should never be underestimate.
Our long awaited baby boy, died too soon, however he never experienced any of the pain or hurt of this world. He died with my heart beating next to him, knowing he was so loved.
We survive by continuing to keep him alive in everything we do. We also continue to keep trying for more family, without an doubt we will never give up on this, one day findley will help us be blessed. I hope that this 1st brithday also celebrates the end of the bad luck! What we have been though in the last 365 days is more than most face in their life time.
I have learnt so much about myself from this journey, I am stronger, and have so much more self respect that I ever has. I put myself first, and really dont think twice of other. Some might say this is a bad thing but it seriously isnt. I put myself and my family first and refuse to answer to other who might think I am wrong.
I have “lost” many friends but also gained so many friends who have been on this rollercoaster with me.
What ever the next year holds we are ready for you. James and I together can withstand anything this world had to throw at us.
To that I have to thank my beutiful son. Happy brithday gorgeous. Always with us, never forgotten, memories held tight.
I know in 18 years time I will still be celebrating the birth of my first beutiful child x
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