1st April 2019 I am so deflated after yesterday, I feel absolutely drained. I kept all my shit together as much as I could. I can see James struggling, struggling with the fact he can't take away my pain. We have been here before, but it's ever harder now. We threw everything into surviving the... Continue Reading →

Still Mothers Day

31st March 2019 My first mother's day.. I woke up this morning and ran through everything in my head. I should have a 8.5month old baby, I should be 21 weeks pregnant, however neither of these babies are still alive. I asked god if this could be my last Mother's Day without a baby in... Continue Reading →

It’s not fair

Friday 29th March 2019 It's not fair that Findley died It's not fair I never got to see his eyes It's not fair I never got to hear him cry It's not fair I never got to give him his first feed It's not fair I never got to change his nappy It's not fair... Continue Reading →

Consultant feedback take 2

Wednesday 20th March We are so lucky to have an amazing consultant looking after our care, today we got initial feedback from tests after Robyn died, mostly normal. The cord we knew about but one results wasn't normal, my consultant haD mentioned that she though that I might have sticky blood, and one of the... Continue Reading →

Walk your own journey

Sunday 17th March 3 weeks, where has the time gone this time 3 weeks ago I was 16 weeks pregnant, now I am but 1in4. So I had a light bulb this last few days, after I lost Findley I desperately search google to find others in my position, I needed to know that everything... Continue Reading →

I am not defined by my loss

Friday 15th March For some reason the date today means something but I have no idea what it is. So today I have been trying to figure out why am so distant from my friends. I realised it's because a lot of them define me by my loss. Yes I am a grieving mummy of... Continue Reading →

Defiantly not okay

Wednesday 13th March I have had the worst day today so far since losing Robyn, I didn't get out of bed till 11am and am already back in it again. I am really struggling to let go of this pregnancy, I keep thinking I should be 18 weeks pregnant . all I can really do... Continue Reading →

Soul retrieval

Tuesday 14th February I am starting to feel a little stronger today, I feel like I had to have a few low day but higher today. I have done a few positive things today, such as writing down my goals for this time next year, am not going to share them in here, I am... Continue Reading →

It’s okay to not be okay

Monday 11th March I have had a few text asking how I am doing, some I don't respond to, others I honestly respond am not okay, but it's okay not to be okay. I don't think people expect me to reply saying am not okay, but I don't want to lie. Of course am not... Continue Reading →

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