Sunday 10th March I am so intolerant of this phase after loss where you can move forward, this time is obviously given to us to allow time for healing, but my god I hate not being able to move forward. It's like you can just start over again, I read back my blog from 14... Continue Reading →

I woke up this morning with a horrible feeling of impending doom and anxiousness. I don't know why or what was going on in my head, it was horrible, I could hardly catch my breath. I know I had been dreaming about the future and a friend was telling me all the things I had... Continue Reading →

Saturday 9th March My memory on Facebook today about my announcement of my pregnancy with Findley last year, I was 21/22 weeks and I should be 18 weeks with Robyn, one of those really lucky loss mummies to fall pregnant so quickly after our loss with Findley, felt like years but reality was it was... Continue Reading →

Thursday 7th March When I see posts of Facebook of people's children some times it gives me hope for what is to come. Other times I am jealous to the core, but mostly it a reminder of what is missing from my life and what we won't ever experience. I will never have the opportunity... Continue Reading →

Waking up in the morning isn't like when I lost Findley I don't have to remind myself that we had a miscarriage, I just lay and think about the journey ahead. Anyone one who has lost a child and wants to try again knows if the need to control as much as possible. Well I... Continue Reading →

Tuesday 5th March A week has passed since Robyn was born, and I love how as soon as I type ro... into my phone it automatically populates Robyn 💋. I had a really emotional day yesterday, Elle called to tell us that Robyn was our little girl, and that initial viewing shows a long very... Continue Reading →

4th March 2019 I woke up this morning from the strangest ever dream to have to remember everything that had happened. That I was pregnant and that Robyn died and that I held her on my chest. My dream was about being out partying and in my head I wanted another baby, someone offered to... Continue Reading →

Sunday 3rd March I have woken up this morning completely adrift in a sea of Turmoil, I remember being here last time. Here starts the questions, why, why me again, why us, what did I do, will I ever take a live child home? Will we ever heal from these two losses. It honestly feels... Continue Reading →

2nd March 2019 I got home yesterday, I was so exhausted, after a general anaesthetic on Thursday and all the codine and morphing over the past 5 days, I feel like rehab would be an option. General anaesthetic always knocks me side ways, and I find myself very emotional after it all. I slept from... Continue Reading →

28th February 2019 I can here the birds tweeting away outside as the sun starts to rise. Last night I had a sleeping tablet and although I have some very vivid, sometimes very sad dreams, I am grateful to be feeling refreshed and ready to go today. One of the dreams last night I was... Continue Reading →