Wednesday 25th July Happy due date my little monkey. I wake up after dreaming about Findley, he was sitting in a car seat next to a baby girl. He looked to be more of a toddler now, he has blonde hair and blue eyes. I wonder who the little girl is. I wonder if it my friend... Continue Reading →

Tuesday 24th July I woke up this morning at 5.30am and struggled to get back to sleep, it’s a week since Findley was born. I said I didn’t want to make these days by week but turn out my subconscious has other ideas. My brain flits from past to present to future. Its funny how the love... Continue Reading →

Monday 23rd July Rachael is coming round today and so is Rhoda, it’s the first morning in a long time I haven’t woken up crying. I say good morning to my wee boy. I had suggested James invited his mum over to help plant the willow tree that a friend had gifted us for Findley,... Continue Reading →

Sunday 22nd July 2018 I woke up but I couldn’t get out of bed, I just lay for a while.  Mum and my grandparents were still in the house, I liked them being close, but I knew that my grandparents would be leaving soon to head back to Orkney, I was so glad that they... Continue Reading →

Saturday 21st July 2018 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsM_VmN6ytk I wake up early, I make James a coffee and have a shower today, is the day.  I hold Findley’s little cardigan, I hold it to my face and kiss it, I love you little boy, please give me the strength to get me through today. Today is your day.... Continue Reading →

Friday 20th July 2018 I wake again and I am crying, I run over what has happened in my head, my baby is dead, and am not pregnant any more.  I know I have to stay strong.  The minister is coming over today to discuss the celebration tomorrow.  I take hold of Finldey’s cardigan next... Continue Reading →

Thursday 19th July 2018 I woke up crying, my baby was dead, and I was no longer pregnant.  I knew I had to get up and get going, mum was still staying with us, and we were missing the dogs.  James asked him mum to take them over for us that day it was too... Continue Reading →

Wednesday 18th July 2018 By 4am, everyone had left except for mum, Rachael came in for her turn for a cuddle, and she put Findley into a cold cot, the room was so hot, and with everyone cuddling him, I think it was starting to effect his little face.  Rachael headed home,  I didn’t really... Continue Reading →

Tuesday  17th  July I woke up  it was 10 am, I was so glad I could go back to hospital, I asked mum to phone them, she did, she had also had contact from my midwife.  There was a problem, we couldn’t go back to hospital, one they had no room for us, and secondly... Continue Reading →

Monday 16th July James arrives, Zandra asks if she should leave, I don’t want her to, I ask if she will wait, whilst the midwife speaks to us.  I know what coming, am not stupid, I am going to have to give birth to my baby.  Little did I know that it wouldn’t be straight... Continue Reading →