Tuesday 14th August I have figured out my new routine, it's not as I planned but it's not bad, I wake up and catch up on messages etc then I just chill out in bed for an hour maybe, reading and writing my blog. I get up showered dressed and start my day. So who... Continue Reading →

Monday 13th August I think I slept a bit better last night, my dreams were around being Pregnant again. I was back at work and telling a colleague. After I woke I started thinking about Findley and what caused his death again. The what ifs, they always creep back in when your not looking. I... Continue Reading →

Sunday 12th August I wake up early I don’t even know what time it is. Please please brain give me a break, please allow me some peace without the reminder of the hurt I feel around my son. I want to sleep and I want to dream, I don’t want to keep being reminded of... Continue Reading →

Saturday August 11th The first thing I think of this morning as with every morning is My precious little boy. The why me runs through my head. I am trying to decided if I will ever be happy again, I feel like happiness has given up on me. I was probably the happiest I think... Continue Reading →

Friday 10th Aug I woke up today and I had to again ask Findley to give me strength to get through the day. I wonder how long I will have to depend on him for. My minds struggle to focus, James and I head for a walk with the puppies after breakfast. Am so tired still,... Continue Reading →

Thursday Aug 9th Please give me strength to get through today Findley. We are going away today for a few day, I don’t want to go away. I shouldn’t be able to go away I should be looking after my baby. I want to just stay in bed, but I know I can’t. Yesterday drained me, I... Continue Reading →

Wednesday 8th August  James is away today, a whole day by myself.  I can do this!!! I get up after few minutes of not wanting to, head down stairs and have breakfast.  Check me out being all normal.  I then head out with the dogs,  to bennachie.  I do feel a wee bit sad a... Continue Reading →

Tuesday 7th August  I am so proud of myself today, I set an alarm and got out of bed. We went and took the dogs for a walk before heading to Asda to pick up some clothes for me. I have nothing that really fits me, so I have bought some items of clothing to... Continue Reading →

Monday 6th August  I have my therapist again today, it's something to get it of bed for. I am really struggling to motivate myself to get up in the morning, I just feel like I have no purpose. All I want to be is a mummy to my son but that doesn't involve any work... Continue Reading →

Sunday 5th August  James is heading off for a walk with his friend today, he’s taking Robbie with him so Rosie and me are having a girly day. I suggested to Mum we could spend some time with the horses and give them a good brush and go for a dog walk.  This was last... Continue Reading →