Monday 3rd September It's amazing how our minds protect us, like the fact my mind doesn't like to think about what's missing from my day, the imagination of what is missing. I think that might be why often the focus is the future and having more family because then you can allow yourself to imagine... Continue Reading →

Sunday 2nd September Wow how did we get to day 50, 7 weeks today that We found out findley had died. I weighted myself yesterday, I said I wouldn't do it till at least 6 week. I am proud to say I weight the same as I did at my 13 weeks scan. I put... Continue Reading →

Saturday 1st September How are we in September already, as the 1st day of another month starts, it make me think about what the next few months might be like. I am trying hard to stand on my tip toes to see over the wall. It's really hard but I almost feel like I can... Continue Reading →

Friday 31st August To my Gorgeous baby boy, I miss you very much. I know it's not been very long since your little heart stop beating inside my tummy. There isn't a day that goes past where I don't think about you. Your the first person in my mind every morning and the last person... Continue Reading →

Thursday 30th August I slept not to bad last night, I have my therapist today so I am up at a decent time to go to my appointment, followed by meeting Steph for lunch. I am really anxious about meeting her. We have a plan A but if it fails then we can rethink. For... Continue Reading →

Wednesday 29th August I am still awake at 1am, my brain is going a million miles an hour, and I have had a complete meltdown before going to bed. I am really glad to have Jodie to talk to, another angel Mum from Australia. She's online and complete understands my meltdown. I posted a selfie... Continue Reading →

Tuesday 28th August I did not chose this pathway! I do not want to be down this road. The pain is unbearable. It's really wearing me down this week. I want to wake up and and not be sad. How long before the pain subsides. I know that James being away has really hit me... Continue Reading →

Monday 27th August I am anxious this morning, I feel sick, dizzy and lost. I have my first Pilates with Claire since Findley was born today. I went every week during my pregnancy from week 16 due to pelvis issues, right up until I was 34ish weeks. Am not sure how I feel about going... Continue Reading →

Sunday 26th August Love can leave memories that no one can steal, but love can also leave a pain that no one can heal! I love my little boy more than I have loved anything in this world. I would agree that no one will ever heal the pain losing him has left. I didn't... Continue Reading →

Saturday 25th August As a lay looking at my husband sleeping next to me, I can't help but see my baby boys cute little button nose. It catches my breath as I try hard not to let the waves crash over me. So beautiful and perfect, just like our little boy. The day has has... Continue Reading →