Tuesday 15th January So today I had my occupational health meeting to discuss how I am doing and getting back to work. It went okay but if I am being honest it brought up some difficult memories especially around my work stress prior to Findley being born. I would like to start a scratch and... Continue Reading →

Friday 11th January One of my warrior mummy's text me today and I must admit to feel terrible that she reminded me that it's 6 months on Wednesday since Findley was born. 6 months, 27 weeks, 189 days. She asked what we were doing to commemorate it, but if am honest nothing, I stopped counting... Continue Reading →

31st December 2018 It's been 24 weeks since Findley died somethings around 170day. Am not sure where time has gone. I am really struggling with saying goodbye to 2018, the though of moving into another year without my baby boy here, is very difficult. It's also taking me further away from the last day I... Continue Reading →

Tuesday 25th December Today just feel like another day without Findley here, I thought it would be different, more difficult, but it wasn't. Which worries me, is there something wrong with me? I went on to Facebook and saw lots of my friend first Christmas baby posts, and how happy and amazing they where, and... Continue Reading →

24th December 2018 Ask me two months ago, how I felt about Christmas and I would have just burst into tears. The thought of this magical family time without my son made me fall to my knees. Then need to protect myself from the trigger was so great, that I just didn't even want to... Continue Reading →

Wednesday 12th December So I have been venturing on to Facebook a little more, today I looked at my "this day" memories, and on it was my 2018 recap video. Now I don't know if it self harm, or curiosity but I wanted to watch it. I didn't put much about my pregnancy on Facebook,... Continue Reading →

Monday 10th December So this is another one of my odd blogs, I haven't received many Christmas cards so far this year, but the ones I have, don't have Findley on them. I guess it's like that weird thinking of mine, when I wanted people to send us congratulations cards when Findley was born. It's... Continue Reading →

Wednesday 5th December It's only 7 am and I have already been in tears.. god help me. I am not in tears because I am missing my little boy, I have started to be able to think about Findley and miss him without it ending in floods of tears. My tears have come at the... Continue Reading →

Saturday 1st December Where has time gone? I struggle to believe it's the last month of 2018. It has been one of the best and worst years of my life. I won't be sorry to hear the bells chiming in 2019, however it's not a year I ever want to forget Either. I bet that... Continue Reading →

Friday 23rd November Hopfully you won’t need such a big cup of coffee for this one. https://youtu.be/_ayrbkqjShE