Ruptured ectopic

I had all the intentions if keeping my blog up to date but unfortunately i have been o unwell it hasn’t happened, after the methotrexate I felt rubbish for a good week and during this time I struggled with my mental heath so just focused in me and my family.

After feeling much better last Thursday i decided i would go for a run in the morning, i went to bed feeling really good, at 4am i woke up with pain in my back and pressure in my pelvis, i got up went for a pee, but was still sore.. in my head i knew it wasn’t good but i eventually managed to het a few hours sleep, i woke again about 7 and the pain had moved round to my front and low in my pelvis, Lewis was awake, i got up to go the bathroom again and i could hardly walk with the pain, i asked James go get up with Lewis and crawled back into bed, the pain just got worse and worse, i called rubislaw to get the normal try pain killers and call back in an hour, they felt it was detachment pain.. well by the time an hour had passed i coildnt even speak properly snd James called them back, after 3 attempts to 999 we managed to get an ambulance, which was so embarrassing, but i couldn’t even walk down the stairs without gas and air .

When i arrived at the ward i ask whats the worst case scenario here – its ruptured – oh well thats what’s happening i told the nurse, i was quickly given pain killers and scanned, and the all of a sudden there was alot of people around me, as a nurse i knew this was serious, i signed paper work allowing e go take my tube and my ovary if they needed to, i had people stabbing me with needles and attaching fast flewed, before i knew it i was back in another ambulance heading for gynea.

It alll happened so fast snd i was in so much pain, i remember be worry about james standing in then corner, i remember thinking i might die, they didn’t want to operate on me i am so complicated, but they had no choice, i was in gynea alone but with all the nice nurses from my previous visit lots of pain killer and I eventually managed to settle a but.

Off go emergency theater at 3pm and woke up in recover at 7am… i had the most amazing recovery nurse.. they had only taken my tube.. thank god i still have both my ovaries!!

It took ages to recover from the antithetic i got home two days later only to be redmitted vis ambulance again the following day with a possible blood clot in my lung, lucky for me it was just a complication from surgery causing my right lung to not inflate properly…. home again and recovering i hope not to spend any more of my maternity leave in hospital…

Its definitely food for thought … how lucky we are to have Lewis, i would still like to add to our family but for just now my focus is Lewis, i think if we have another complicated loss i would call it quits.. we are probably mental… all this loss but also alot of love!! It makes you realise whats important in life!

This has been the hardest loss physical to date, especially with nothing to show for it, with Findley and Robyn i had a baby to hold, this time i am minus a fallopian tube and plus a few mire scars.. still having to sign a form that says my baby can go for s group cremation and be scattered at with Robyn… i still wonder what we ever did to deserve such a difficult time!! Lewis makes it all make sense