Pregnancy loss Bingo – Full House

I am currently 7 weeks pregnant.. i know i dont waste any time, however this was an absolute whoops!! I spent the last 3 weeks pretending nothing was happening as deep down i knew something wasnt right. I had what i thought was my period in February, I said to my friend i swear if i didn’t know better i would think am pregnant… fast forward a week post my weird period i had a positive test. Thinking it was just a chemical i ignored it and carried on with life.. a bit frustrated at my body but happy being a mummy to Lewis, two weeks later I was still feeling very sick, and pregnant, and low and behold positive pregancy test. This time i knew I couldn’t ignore it. However i still knew my tests were not dark enough for what would have been 6 weeks. I have peed on enough stick in my life to know what looks good.

So i pulled my brave pants on emailed my consultant. Once again the support she gives me is amazing!! She always put my mental health first and asked me in for a scan, my fear from google was a ectopic! So i survived the week between telling her and the scan, when ever Lewis was asleep or napping, i would google, and go from we are having another baby to am going to die.. as you do after truma, i kept my shit together well i felt, Lewis defo kept me occupied.

Today arrived and I had my rock by my side , James, and we get our scan. My consultant says, “you are in-fact pregnant, however there is only a sac measuring 6 weeks and its not a normal shape”. I love her gentle honestly, however now i just want this to be over, but we have to wait two weeks, before they can give me any medication to help, as there is still a slim chance that my dates are out by a week, however its not looking good at all.

It really feels like pregnancy loss bingo, and I mean I would much rather have a loss now than at 16 or 39 weeks. How ever it is a massive trigger, a reminder of the loss we have been through. That scan room in rubislaw hold alot of bad memories for me. James has never been at a bad scan so it felt different having him with me.

I don’t know if we will add to our family in the future, for just now i will leave it up to the angels. i feel so very lucky to have Lewis in my arms, and to have such a supportive husband and consultant.