Sooo I recently had a massive argument with a family member at Christmas, as they didn’t acknowledge Findley and Robyn. To be honest they have never acknowledged them since they died, my mum always defended them saying they didn’t know what to do for the best.
Lets face it we have had two years from hell prior to Lewis arriving so instead of asking them to acknowledge my family, i just cut them out of my life. However when Lewis arrived it gave me an excuse to saying something.
So when I politely share with them that we want them to acknowledge all our family, i get the most disgusting response, saying they don’t acknowledge dead people Christmas and birthdays so they aren’t going to start doing it now. They also told me that my children are not comparable with living children.
Wow if felt like someone punched me in the gut. Their language and response trigger my PTSD and i cried form hours. I understand people don’t mean to trigger my PTSD but surely a close family member would know and try and understand.
I have never been shy about sharing my story and how i feel, as well as what I want for my children. Findley and Robyn are as important to our family as Lewis and any future children, and if you cant bring yourself to acknowledge all of my children then i basically dont want you in any of my children’s lives!!
Just because my children died doesn’t mean they didn’t live, i grew then, i gave birth to them and we held them, so to tell me i have something wrong with me for saying they are as important to be acknowledged as any living child is disgusting behaviour!
There is also the fact that lets face it, we do thing we don’t want to do all the time, but we do it because its the right thing to do.
I understand that some people want to forget our children died but that something they need to work out not me, and yes some people do lose children and want to forget about it, move on never speak of it again, but surley my choice to want them to live on through us should be respected
Child loss is a mind field and i wish i could say that having Lewis has take our pain away, but it doesn’t, we still have three children, there was still two missing at our Christmas table, Lewis will be brought up to know about his brother and sister in the stars. I think every mother’s choice should be respected.