17th July 2020
Where has two years gone, I can not believe it’s been two years since I first saw Findley little chubby cheeks. I am not going to lie this week has been hard.
Sunday saw me in with a freak out over movements, lucky Rach was on and looked after me, I have been scanned Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday, just for reassurance. My mind keep being triggered by memories of the week Findley died.
We went to his memorial this morning to make it all special for him, it didn’t go as planned but still looked good!! It really broke my heart sitting their with James opening his cards, it just reminded me how it should be and how it actually is. I am so grateful for this baby in my tummy but I wish with all my heart Findley was here too, to meet his little brother, I just know he would be the best big brother.
We got some beautiful cards from friends and family and I could hardly read them for crying and their kind words. I don’t know if this year actually feels harder than last, like the more years that pass the further away I get from the last time I held my first born boy.
He was just so perfect it make it hard to accept why he’s not here. It also makes this pregnancy really hard. I am grateful for Findley’s little brother kicking away this morning.
I shared some photos on social media today that I have never shared if Findley but I felt good doing it, I had the though of being scared to show off my son due to upsetting someone else. I think he’s beautiful, but not everyone wants to look at pictures of a baby who has died, I under stand that.
I am a proud mummy to him and I won’t every apologise for that ❤️❤️❤️