Tuesday 14th February
I am starting to feel a little stronger today, I feel like I had to have a few low day but higher today. I have done a few positive things today, such as writing down my goals for this time next year, am not going to share them in here, I am all for sharing my life but my goals are just for me. It’s true I have always achieved ever goal I have ever set myself. It’s not impossible, nothing is impossible. This has made me feel in-powered.
I also had my first PT session yesterday – my legs really hurt today, but am okay with that. I have lost 5kg since my 14 week bloods with Robyn, that nearly a stone, to be fair am sure a lot of that is blood loss and of course Robyn. However I really have my mind set to keep going with my weight loss. After I loss Findley I saw no point, am just going to get pregnant and get fat again, and I didn’t really care how I looked. I actually don’t really care as much still but, I want to be as healthy as I can for our next adventure. I read a lot about still birth and late miscarriage and of course your at higher risk, although believe me there are so many women who are “normal” who suffer the same losses. there isn’t really one person fits all kinda thing.
I was told of someone who does soul retrieval. Bare with me here it’s really interesting .
So this person calls me back today, and tells me a little about what she does, I love the fact she employed by spirt, okay I like this, sprit in my head is god or who ever you follow. She tells me after a traumatic incident in your life, you can loose a soul, so I didn’t know you had more than one soul but am going with it. It leaves you feeling like you will never be you again, like a little bit is missing – so true any of my loss mummy’s will know this feeling. Well I often have said my babies dying have take a little bit of my heart with them. I the. Explain that I lost my son last year and have also just has another loss just recently.
So she goes on to tell me that she can tell me I am a strong soul, she can tell me this because our children pick us before we are born, that it’s not something that you just decide to do. Interesting right.. so my children picked me knowing I was strong enough to with stand all the hurt that is to come. She also tells me that my children are happier than I will ever be because they aren’t confined by mind and body. I love this though, and I guess it goes in line with everything else I often thing, and have been told.
I think I will go to have a look into it and see if it be beneficial. I don’t really want to become obsessed with finding me and recovering, I know I will be okay eventually.