After every storm comes a rainbow

Monday 7th January

People will have noticed I haven’t been posting as much recently and am sorry this also isn’t published on the day it was written.

I can’t believe am even writing this but we found out at the end of November that we are expecting baby number 2, Aka Pip. The weeks from then till now have flown past, James Grandad passing, Christmas and then new year I don’t know if I have had time to stop and think.

So far we have had one early scan which was very difficult, the scan was in Rubislaw in the same room where they confirmed Findley had died, as I lay there i had a tight hold of James I couldn’t even look at the screen, until the they said those words, “there’s the little heart beat”. Then I just started to cry, how one room can hold two different memories just amazes me.

It was so nice to see everyone in Rubislaw, Sophie was there she was the midwife that started my induction and look after me until Rach arrived. She was so happy to hear a news.

Now I have had time to process everything I think things are starting to sink in. I don’t want to spend this pregnancy worrying about every little thing, however I am still worried about a 1st trimester loss, I am 9 weeks plus now, and I am less worried I think, I keep thinking that this little pip is a present from Findley and he will watch over us. I have my 12 weeks scan in three weeks I really hope after this I start to relax a little about loss.

I have told most of my close friends and family, I know people always think oh wait till 12 weeks “safe zone” but actually look at Findley Journey he died at 38 weeks, we got all the way past all the worrying times for him still to gain his wings. Looking back I am so glad I enjoyed and embraced my pregnancy with Findley because I have lots of memories and so do other people. I want this again.

Not one person ever says that they are having a bundle of cells, as soon as you see those two lines your pregnant and that’s it, that is a baby, our baby!

So I feel bad that I haven’t shared this news in my blog, but there are some family members I haven’t told yet, I think more to protect them, so until i have then I think I will continue to write my blog but leave them unpublished.

The day we found out we are pregnant this beautiful double rainbow appeared over our house. If that’s not a sign I don’t know what is.

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