Tuesday 18th September
I picked up Max today, he is beautiful, shiny and new. Blue obviously for Findley as he was the one who suggest a new bike! Welcome to the family Max. I actually can’t wait to get on him and not fall off hopefully! I love being hopeful, I do fear for the day something crushes my dreams again but at moment I am going to try and stay positive.
I think I am sometimes bad for judging other but then I wonder why I feel I have a right to judge them? It’s nothing to do with me if someone is having an affair for example, is it? Nope they aren’t my wife or husband, it’s not affecting my life. What do we achieve by judging others? I really don’t know. Allow others to be be happy, selfish what ever you want to call it, it’s their life and if it’s a mistake, it’s their mistake to make.
I got to see Rach and the girls today, it was fab to catch up and I do hope that Rach saw a difference in me since 3 weeks ago. We went out for lunch and as we sat there with lots of babies and children around me, crying and screaming, I realised that it didn’t really bother me. The children aren’t Findley, none of them will replace Findley, I just look forward to the day I when I can’t eat my lunch because I am being disturbed by my little munchkins.
I also had a nice long chat with one of my work colleagues today she had message me with some news about work, I honestly did a little dance when I read it. The change would actually mean I could go back. I really love my job, as I have said previously, but it’s the politics I struggle with. I still am not rushing back but now I actually think I could one day.
She also told me how much she loves reading my blog and how it’s though provoking. It makes me really happy to know that people are taking the time to read my blog and take something away from it. Don’t get me wrong even if people didn’t read it and enjoy it, I would still write it.
There are only one or to people at work I truly trust, she is one of them, I know she worries about me, and I miss her, i hope we will be able To catch up soon. I think the fact that the last time I saw her we sat and had lunch me so excited about being pregnant and the future, all along my babies want struggling. I also know how excited she was for James and I to have our family, she was at our wedding, my baby shower and Findley’s celebration. She was the only one at work who knew the truth about our want for a family. She’s very special to me.