Day 60 – Dark Nights bright days

Wednesday 12th September

It’s autumn, you can see the tree starting to change, even if it’s the temperature in the still mid to high teens outside. I feel the chill starting to enter the air though.

I can’t wait for the winter I can’t wait to see the back of 2018. What should have been the best year if our lives had been the worst.

I know it’s wishing my life away, but I still see some hurdles ahead, their is the day we found out I was pregnant, our first scan and Christmas. However when these are passed it will be 2019 and a new beginning again.

The night are starting to draw in, it’s dark by 8pm. Am sorry to everyone I annoy by saying this but I love the dark nights. I think this is a new love. I am sure I used to love the summer nights.

My days are getting brighter though, i just need to keep making plans. I am terrible for not making plans with people. I don’t know why expect people to approach me to do things. I am the one with all the free time. When I do contact people they are quick to want to catch up.

I went out with Fee on the bikes today, we hit the forest as it was too windy for road bikes. It was really nice, and the dogs liked it too. They managed to stay out if the way of Fee and didn’t get run over. I do like a chat with Fee she’s very easy to talk to and I can pritty much say the same thing over and over and I don’t think she would mind.

James is away for work again tomorrow, I don’t think am that stressed about this trip, two reason one it’s in the Uk, so he’s only 1hrs flights away, and secondly it’s a short job and james has reassured me he will be home by Saturday. I have also made plans , tomorrow I have reflexology, then I am meeting Claire in the evening, Friday I have kerri coming over for the evening and the night. Then James will be home. Although I actually think I am okay with him being away. I am hoping this is his last job with his current company. I am so looking forward to him starting his rotation so I know when he will be here and when he won’t.

I Am also excited that Rach is home from her holiday soon and can’t wait I catch up with her too an hear all her stories.

Without releasing it really I seem to have come along away in the last few weeks. Those that read my blog daily might have seen this, however it’s taken me time to realise just how far I have come. Life is still bloody hard going, but it’s no where near as dark as it was two weeks ago. I still have a very long road ahead, but I defiantly know my path now. My path is what ever I chose to make it. I have already chosen to write this blog, to go to therapy, to allow myself to be open and honest, and allow myself to be me. We all live our lives around the view of what life should be. We should do this that and the next, however life should just be what we want it to be. I hope everyone that reads this takes the time to have a look at their life, and make sure you are living your life as you want to, they way that makes you happy, not others.

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