365 Days

I can not believe its a year since I found out I was pregnant with Freya. I did one cheap pregnancy test decided there was a line and emailed my consultant. I resisted all temptation to test again and I thing that was to do with denial.

Once i found out I was pregnant I joined a mumsnet chat, not something I have ever dine in any of my 11 pregnancies but I found a what at group and i was so glad if the girl I met on there . I would normally head to SANDs but I didn’t want to be absorbed in the world of baby loss, it was hard being in a group of women and I did feel a bit woo is me at times .. but those girls helped me to almost normalise my pregnancy, there was normal worries 1st trimester and a few mum who had suffer losses, so still wobbles and worries but it was so nice to not be in the baby loss world, I still speak to these wonderful women daily, and am planing a wee trip to central Scotland to meet some or them in September, i feel very blessed to have their support ❤️.

The last year has flown by and I still have to pinch myself that laying next to me in her crib is my baby girl.. how was I ever this blessed, I am so lucky, she is amazing. Its hard not to compare her and Lewis, although they are identical in looks they are so different, shes so laid back and tend to generally just go with the flow until she doesn’t .. there no in between with her. Her smile light up my day, i love nothing more thank cuddling up with Freya and Lewis in the morning and watching some TV. Its just special times.

I feel like my pregnancy was easy.. but I might be making that up and i probably was stressed for 9 months. I would definitely say to anyone thinking about doing it again and having another rainbow the battle 100% is worth it.

Life is far from roses, its hard, and James works away so I am often with the kids myself for weeks on end, but I wouldn’t change any of it, these sleep less night wont last for ever, these memories are so important. At times I have to remember there is only one of me. I really hope I am doing a good job, I feel like I am proper winging it, but my kids are clean, fed and dressed.. winning at life.

Freya is still dinky 13lbs at 4 months old its so different from Lewis who was 14lbs by 3 months, but look at her ❤️

I honestly just feel like the luckiest person in the world .. which might be weird coming from a mum who has had the journey I have to get my family, and the pain and loss we have suffered.. i still feel so very very lucky, every child os a blessing.

I am happy and content and I never thought I would ever feel this again ❤️